I remember, from high school, the time when I decided to straighten up, get my act together, stop screwing around, that sort of thing. If I were to expect people to perceive me as a serious person, I’d have to behave seriously; if as an adult, I’d have to behave as an adult. It only stands to reason that others will regard us as the people they perceive, the architects of our expressions–the artists behind the images we portray.
I guess you could call it a reckoning, or a moment of self-examination, culminating in an unacceptable level of discontent. Really, though, I think it’s a moment when we’ve thoroughly examined the trajectory of our lives, and the goal of achieving a safe and successful future seems exceedingly unlikely.
Another such moment came during college, when I looked around at the other students and recognized a distinct difference between those who were there to learn and those who, quite simply, weren’t. I found that I fit precisely into the latter category.
Some years ago, I spoke with a man who had another of these moments when his child was born.
What I’ve come to realize is that, in these pivotal moments, planning is the enemy. Indeed, there are countless times in life when planning is essential, however, these moments of self-reflection aren’t so much focused on the plan, but on the planner. After all, a plan devised by an idiot probably isn’t going to be a good plan, and in these special moments throughout life, we take time to consider that we are the idiots who made these plans.
“Planning my way around” character traits which stood in the way of safety and success was a bad idea. I envisioned myself living a life with the kinds of material possessions that people like me wouldn’t typically own unless they came into money without having to work for it.
Waiting for a big bag of money falling on my head didn’t seem like a reliable plan, and the kind of income I could reasonably expect from the kinds of jobs I could land wasn’t going to afford the things I envisioned for myself. It wasn’t about my ability to work, it was about my presentation, my education, and my will. Without addressing my own shortcomings, every plan was doomed to fail.
It’s time again.